The road to hell is paved with good intentions is a favorite quote of mine and it fits quite nicely on this blog. When we started this project it was to invite you; our family, friends and curious web surfers to see what it is like to go through a transition from both the point of view as a transgender and a spouse. People always asked how the other one was doing. People would ask Zoe how I was "handling" things and People would ask me how Zoe was doing. I think we both had the same answers; fine just fine. We are just fine, life progresses-the sun and moon both still rise and we still deal with other parts of our life.
Whenever I make a post, it seems to cause quite a controversy. I am not the "sugar-coating" kinda gal, and agreed only to do this blog if we keep it real. These are our real thoughts, emotions, and observations from day to day. Just because we may have certain feelings at any given time those like anything are subject to change, we are human. If we make every post seem like its all a bed of flowers, not only is it BS-its boring. Transition is a process, a very long process. There are no miracle pills we can take, go to sleep, wake up and poof Zoe is physically female and I wake up completely OK with it. Nothing worth doing is easy.
Many people have asked Zoe "How can you do this to your wife and kids?". Which is why I made the post yesterday about *M* before Zoe. I have to ask those same people "How could she not do this for us?" Yes there are things I miss about *M*, but those are from the perspective of nostalgia. In a way, it is like healing from a break-up. At first you hate all the bad things about your ex, then at some point you start to remember the good. You miss those things that you loved about that person, but you know in the end the decision to part was the right one. I would not trade today for 5 years ago to save my life. Trust me when I say I love Zoe, as much as if not more than I loved *M* but I am glad that I am now living with Zoe- unless you knew *M* the way very few us did, you had no idea what day to day life was like for *M* or me.
Folks have commented that they will never see Zoe as Zoe only as *M* even after she has fully transitioned. While each and every human has a right to their own opinions, there comes a point where your going to have to accept it. She will be female physically, she will have the body parts that make her female. Her legal name will have been changed. She will no longer be *M* at all in any way shape or form. She will even be required by law to use the girls bathroom. She will have transformed mentally, physically, emotionally completely into a female. It is up to you to decide if you can handle that. I will caution you though, any form of discrimination and you will find me on your doorstep. You see I am a bitch. Ask my in-laws. Unlike Zoe, who tells me constantly to leave it alone. Hell hath no fury like Mandie pissed off!
~Mandie
i work with Zoe and I'm now pieceing all the puzzles together.. I had my own assumptions and opinions... but I never judge.. but I am glad I saw the link to this and took a few quick minutes to read because it just helped me to understand both sides of the story. I think it's Great that no matter what the situation may be that you both support each other and are open to spread this story... I have an older brother that is gay and I accept him for who he is as a person, Not by his personal choices, regardless whether I agree or not. Also I just want to say I think It's cool you both started this blog together because it may inspire someone else to take action that may care too much about what the public thinks... But maybe if that person reads this story they might have a change of heart and let loose who they really are... Anyways the birds are gonna be chirpping soon so it's my bed time lol Take Care!! :)
ReplyDeleteI am glad you took the time to get a better understanding of Zoe and what's going on in her life. Blogging is a great idea on getting your story out and help educating people so they get a better understanding. Zoe didn't choose to be transgender, it chose her. No doubt Zoe knew at a young age that she was supposed to be a girl and felt stuck in the wrong body. Most people struggle with this through out their life and have no choice but to transition. Zoe will be much happier in her life as a female because she will truly be herself as she was meant to be. Accepting one self is the most important thing in transitioning. I hope you fully accept Zoe and support her thru these most difficult times. Thanks...
DeleteThank you, both of you for your comments! I don't think people realize how hard it is for a person who is transgendered. To cope with the feelings of not being able to be ones own self, to desperately want to be part of gender you were not born into. I have seen so many stories of suicide and depression it is disheartening. Zoe has helped me to understand that no matter what has happened in her life until she was free to be who she is, depression was a dark cloud over her head.
ReplyDeleteOur hope is that with this blog the public will not only be able to understand Zoe better, but also to help other transgenders know they are not alone and give their loved ones reassurance that everything they are feeling is normal. It is a rough path to walk but Love knows no gender and has no limits.
~Mandie