When I read Mandie's post yesterday, I was angry, I was hurt, mainly I was shell shocked that she threw our dirty laundry out there for the world to read. That being said, I can understand where she is coming from. I don't like it all out there, but the only way to really do this blog is to show our real emotions. I can see how the frustrations of every part of our life can congregate into one big mess particularly when adding the stress of the transition in the mix.
Truth of the matter is, I am aware of how selfish I can be at times, I know how this affects everyone around me. Mandie, the kids, my family, friends, my co-workers. I wish that wasn't the case, but I can't change it. In the midst of the transition, I am being born again in many ways. It is hard not to get sucked into the things that make me happier than I have ever been in my life.
There is a dark side to transition.
As awesome as everything can be, this isn't a walk in the park for me everyday either. I know people laugh at me when I walk away. I know people look at me funny when I go to the store, or when I go to work. It takes its toll on my self esteem. It's hard to remember to hold my head up high. I never realized how hard it would be to hide breasts. I wear a coat everywhere I go and all day at work. I wear a hat out of the house to hide my hair and makeup so people won't look at me odd. I keep telling myself "frack them if the don't like it" but the reality is it hurts. There is also the violence factor. That scares me too. I can understand why Mandie worries, its scarey. I can only hope that the majority of people on the planet are not completely screwed in the head and I never run into the ones who are.
Many people say I am courageous to walk this path. I don't feel brave. I am scared about any number of things that cross my mind day in and out.
I am fearful for my marriage. I am afraid that when all is said and done my wife, the love of my life will never be attracted to me again. She cannot give me an honest answer about it. I don't know if I can cope with that.
It's true that I did not discuss the hormones before I got the prescription for them with Mandie. Deep down she knew that it was bound to happen. I had been seeing Dr's, therapists and taking herbs. Mandie isn't stupid, I would call it denial. For her own state of mind she needed to deny what was happening and pretend that we were a "nice,normal family" sorry baby, I love ya but we have never been normal.
For me it was do or die time, I reached a point in my life where I had to deal with it or not live. I couldn't live that life anymore, I had to take the chance for my own self survival. After I came out, we stopped discussing things. From my perspective she needed that time to absorb everything, however she spent that 9 months in denial so when I started the HRT she flipped out.
One thing is for certain, things will never be the same. I have to believe that at the end of the road everything will turn out wonderful. The more I allow myself to be the real me the stronger I become. I am more responsible, and am so much happier in life. My family is becoming stronger, even though we have bumps in the road I know that it will be OK.
~Zoe
Monday, April 23, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
On the path to the darkside
I spend quite a bit of time on the various support forums for Transgenders and their families. One of the common themes is trust. Spouses/Partners sometimes find out years into the relationship and the trust that has been built with history is broken. I have read that only about 10% of couples make it through the transition. I have never been one who wanted to be a statistic, but I have to wonder if part of that is because of the loss of trust.
I can't say that in our case Zoe really understands just how true that is, as much as any transgender she is wrapped up in herself. Our entire life is encompassed by this transition. Her hair, makeup, nails, Dr's, emotions etc. But me; I am lost in a world of being mommy to 4 kids, and a loss of trust that I will have a spouse when the sun rises. In a perfect world, this would not be the case. I would wake up and be happy to be married to a trans-lady. In perfect it would not matter to me that she stays out all night doing whatever the hell she does and I wouldn't wake up at 4:30 am and realize she is not here, with my first thought being "is she in a ditch somewhere?"
Unfortunately we do not live in perfect. I could blame my frustrations on the lack of sleep. I could blame my frustrations on juggling 4 kids with a full time job and managing a house. I could even blame my frustrations on the transition itself. None of this however is the case. I have been dealing with all of this for many years, and I have become an expert at "dealing". The cold hard truth is I no longer trust. I don't trust Zoe. That trust has been broken. It was broken when she came out to me, and the inkling of trust left was shattered when she started HRT before talking to me about it. I don't worry that she is having an affair. I worry she's dead or hurt. Maybe that's a flaw of mine. I worry to much. I cannot even conceptualize that all of the secrets and lies are out in the open; That shes being honest with me about everything. It doesn't register in my brain. I have gone through her phone, her email, I have read through everything. Not because I think shes doing something, but because I do not believe that there is not going to be yet another bomb dropped in my lap. That I wont have yet another mess to clean up.
I could do a flow chart of the good and bad in our marriage, but frankly that would bore everyone to tears. The bottom line is once the trust is broken, there is no magic cure. There is no therapist or Dr. that will make it all better. The only thing that will heal me is time. I love Zoe, I support Zoe, but at the end of the day without trust there is no relationship. There is only fear, anger, and resentment.
So how do we move past it? How do we keep our marriage together? How do we regain the trust? How do we raise our children as a couple and not in a broken home? The support forums I frequent would say "communication". In fact I have given that advice myself on many occasions to others when they are having a bad day. What happens when there is nothing left to be said? When you cannot agree to disagree? What happens when you feel like the only reasons your with someone are all the reasons you should not be together?
Some might read this and think "wow shes really pissed off" or "shes really negative about the whole thing". In a way I guess that is true. Today is a bad day for me. I have said many times I do not sugar coat, and the only way I would do this blog is to keep it real. Well folks this is real. It hurts like hell. In all fairness though, I represent the 10% of men/women going through the transition with their spouses, to make it seem like we don't hurt would be nothing less than a slap in their faces. Our feelings are neglected enough, and I wont be the one to make someone feel like something is wrong with them because they have good and bad days.
This is as real as it gets.
~Mandie
I can't say that in our case Zoe really understands just how true that is, as much as any transgender she is wrapped up in herself. Our entire life is encompassed by this transition. Her hair, makeup, nails, Dr's, emotions etc. But me; I am lost in a world of being mommy to 4 kids, and a loss of trust that I will have a spouse when the sun rises. In a perfect world, this would not be the case. I would wake up and be happy to be married to a trans-lady. In perfect it would not matter to me that she stays out all night doing whatever the hell she does and I wouldn't wake up at 4:30 am and realize she is not here, with my first thought being "is she in a ditch somewhere?"
Unfortunately we do not live in perfect. I could blame my frustrations on the lack of sleep. I could blame my frustrations on juggling 4 kids with a full time job and managing a house. I could even blame my frustrations on the transition itself. None of this however is the case. I have been dealing with all of this for many years, and I have become an expert at "dealing". The cold hard truth is I no longer trust. I don't trust Zoe. That trust has been broken. It was broken when she came out to me, and the inkling of trust left was shattered when she started HRT before talking to me about it. I don't worry that she is having an affair. I worry she's dead or hurt. Maybe that's a flaw of mine. I worry to much. I cannot even conceptualize that all of the secrets and lies are out in the open; That shes being honest with me about everything. It doesn't register in my brain. I have gone through her phone, her email, I have read through everything. Not because I think shes doing something, but because I do not believe that there is not going to be yet another bomb dropped in my lap. That I wont have yet another mess to clean up.
I could do a flow chart of the good and bad in our marriage, but frankly that would bore everyone to tears. The bottom line is once the trust is broken, there is no magic cure. There is no therapist or Dr. that will make it all better. The only thing that will heal me is time. I love Zoe, I support Zoe, but at the end of the day without trust there is no relationship. There is only fear, anger, and resentment.
So how do we move past it? How do we keep our marriage together? How do we regain the trust? How do we raise our children as a couple and not in a broken home? The support forums I frequent would say "communication". In fact I have given that advice myself on many occasions to others when they are having a bad day. What happens when there is nothing left to be said? When you cannot agree to disagree? What happens when you feel like the only reasons your with someone are all the reasons you should not be together?
Some might read this and think "wow shes really pissed off" or "shes really negative about the whole thing". In a way I guess that is true. Today is a bad day for me. I have said many times I do not sugar coat, and the only way I would do this blog is to keep it real. Well folks this is real. It hurts like hell. In all fairness though, I represent the 10% of men/women going through the transition with their spouses, to make it seem like we don't hurt would be nothing less than a slap in their faces. Our feelings are neglected enough, and I wont be the one to make someone feel like something is wrong with them because they have good and bad days.
This is as real as it gets.
~Mandie
Thursday, April 19, 2012
FAQ-Mandie Style
Each and everyday we get a ton of questions from friends, family, and web surfers. I wanted to take some time and answer some of them that are directed solely to me. So grab a cup of tea/coffee/water and relax as you journey into my brain :)
That's all for now folks! Keep the questions coming and until next time don't forget to smile!
~Mandie
*PS* We have been slacking the past few days from posting because we have been crazy busy with work and family life-don't worry we are still here!
- In your blog posts, you say you love Zoe and your standing by her, but it seems that you are not happy with this. Tell us how do you really feel?
- Aren't you afraid that you will stick by Zoe and then she will decide she wants to be with a man?
- What will you do when you want to "be" with a man?
- What does your family think of this?
- Are you a lesbian? Bi? If your in a relationship with a woman, you must be defined a lesbian!
That's all for now folks! Keep the questions coming and until next time don't forget to smile!
~Mandie
*PS* We have been slacking the past few days from posting because we have been crazy busy with work and family life-don't worry we are still here!
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Updating Fun!
Some folks on mobile were having a hard time navigating through the various posts, so I have spent most the day changing the layout and theme of the blog. I changed the color/background and moved the posts to the middle with the various things you can do to the sides. You can share on various social networking sites, you can also now submit posts to stumbleupon. The share/follow/resources are now to the right. The popular posts and blog archives are to the left. Blogger always puts the latest post on the main page so if you are having problems finding the archives (under all posts on the left hand side) just scroll all the way down and click on older posts :)
Hopefully, this will help everyone to navigate the blog a bit easier. If you have other suggestions or problems please drop me a line!
On another note:
Please keep the questions coming! We are working hard on various ideas we have for topics that may interest you, but we love being able to answer your specific questions. Do not be afraid to comment or contact us!
Much love and Many blessings to all!
~Mandie
Hopefully, this will help everyone to navigate the blog a bit easier. If you have other suggestions or problems please drop me a line!
On another note:
Please keep the questions coming! We are working hard on various ideas we have for topics that may interest you, but we love being able to answer your specific questions. Do not be afraid to comment or contact us!
Much love and Many blessings to all!
~Mandie
Friday, April 13, 2012
Why Bother?
All my life I have felt that I was the wrong gender. Like many others who are classified as having gender dysphoria, I knew very young I was different.
Through the early parts of high school and puberty, I had a lot of friends but I was alone. I hid away from the world in my own head most of the time. As I hit my late teens, I become aggressive. I bottled up my feelings, and struck out at anyone who was in my way. I never played sports, took shop or any thing that boys generally did. I ultimately became self destructive and suicidal and I did not believe I would live to see the age of 30.
Things were very different when I was growing up. Today we have the internet and the world is much more open minded. Coming out to Mandie, and having her support has given me the courage to face the world as who I am.
Hormones do change quite a bit, however I think that some of the changes are me coming out of my shell. I have spent 30 yrs daydreaming of being a woman; how I would act, dress, and relate to the world. Now that I have been on hormones for 5 months I feel like I am allowing my real self to escape the bottle in the bottom of the closet I have hid in for so long. It is not easy to put into words what it is like to feel like your the wrong gender. Wanting more then anything to not be trapped inside a male body. I hated being male, I hated myself for wanting to be female, I hated my life and I hated the world.
The physical changes are secondary to the mentality that I can get through this. Everyday is a struggle but yet I am happier then I have ever been in my life. Partly because people are starting to accept me as Zoe, and partly because I am no longer hiding. I have made it past 30 and I never dreamed I would ever deal with this, certainly not after marriage and having a family.
The hormones allow me to complete my journey as a women. The transition will also let the world see the girl that has always been inside. They are allowing me to break out of my shell, tear down the wall I built to protect myself years ago.
People have asked, why bother? If I am not "gay", and have no interest in being with a guy- why bother? This isn't about my sexual being or interests, or my wife not being enough woman for me, shes wonderful and more than I can handle. I am doing this because I need to do this; Its time.
~Zoe
Through the early parts of high school and puberty, I had a lot of friends but I was alone. I hid away from the world in my own head most of the time. As I hit my late teens, I become aggressive. I bottled up my feelings, and struck out at anyone who was in my way. I never played sports, took shop or any thing that boys generally did. I ultimately became self destructive and suicidal and I did not believe I would live to see the age of 30.
Things were very different when I was growing up. Today we have the internet and the world is much more open minded. Coming out to Mandie, and having her support has given me the courage to face the world as who I am.
Hormones do change quite a bit, however I think that some of the changes are me coming out of my shell. I have spent 30 yrs daydreaming of being a woman; how I would act, dress, and relate to the world. Now that I have been on hormones for 5 months I feel like I am allowing my real self to escape the bottle in the bottom of the closet I have hid in for so long. It is not easy to put into words what it is like to feel like your the wrong gender. Wanting more then anything to not be trapped inside a male body. I hated being male, I hated myself for wanting to be female, I hated my life and I hated the world.
The physical changes are secondary to the mentality that I can get through this. Everyday is a struggle but yet I am happier then I have ever been in my life. Partly because people are starting to accept me as Zoe, and partly because I am no longer hiding. I have made it past 30 and I never dreamed I would ever deal with this, certainly not after marriage and having a family.
The hormones allow me to complete my journey as a women. The transition will also let the world see the girl that has always been inside. They are allowing me to break out of my shell, tear down the wall I built to protect myself years ago.
People have asked, why bother? If I am not "gay", and have no interest in being with a guy- why bother? This isn't about my sexual being or interests, or my wife not being enough woman for me, shes wonderful and more than I can handle. I am doing this because I need to do this; Its time.
~Zoe
Thursday, April 12, 2012
If your going through hell, keep going
The road to hell is paved with good intentions is a favorite quote of mine and it fits quite nicely on this blog. When we started this project it was to invite you; our family, friends and curious web surfers to see what it is like to go through a transition from both the point of view as a transgender and a spouse. People always asked how the other one was doing. People would ask Zoe how I was "handling" things and People would ask me how Zoe was doing. I think we both had the same answers; fine just fine. We are just fine, life progresses-the sun and moon both still rise and we still deal with other parts of our life.
Whenever I make a post, it seems to cause quite a controversy. I am not the "sugar-coating" kinda gal, and agreed only to do this blog if we keep it real. These are our real thoughts, emotions, and observations from day to day. Just because we may have certain feelings at any given time those like anything are subject to change, we are human. If we make every post seem like its all a bed of flowers, not only is it BS-its boring. Transition is a process, a very long process. There are no miracle pills we can take, go to sleep, wake up and poof Zoe is physically female and I wake up completely OK with it. Nothing worth doing is easy.
Many people have asked Zoe "How can you do this to your wife and kids?". Which is why I made the post yesterday about *M* before Zoe. I have to ask those same people "How could she not do this for us?" Yes there are things I miss about *M*, but those are from the perspective of nostalgia. In a way, it is like healing from a break-up. At first you hate all the bad things about your ex, then at some point you start to remember the good. You miss those things that you loved about that person, but you know in the end the decision to part was the right one. I would not trade today for 5 years ago to save my life. Trust me when I say I love Zoe, as much as if not more than I loved *M* but I am glad that I am now living with Zoe- unless you knew *M* the way very few us did, you had no idea what day to day life was like for *M* or me.
Folks have commented that they will never see Zoe as Zoe only as *M* even after she has fully transitioned. While each and every human has a right to their own opinions, there comes a point where your going to have to accept it. She will be female physically, she will have the body parts that make her female. Her legal name will have been changed. She will no longer be *M* at all in any way shape or form. She will even be required by law to use the girls bathroom. She will have transformed mentally, physically, emotionally completely into a female. It is up to you to decide if you can handle that. I will caution you though, any form of discrimination and you will find me on your doorstep. You see I am a bitch. Ask my in-laws. Unlike Zoe, who tells me constantly to leave it alone. Hell hath no fury like Mandie pissed off!
~Mandie
Whenever I make a post, it seems to cause quite a controversy. I am not the "sugar-coating" kinda gal, and agreed only to do this blog if we keep it real. These are our real thoughts, emotions, and observations from day to day. Just because we may have certain feelings at any given time those like anything are subject to change, we are human. If we make every post seem like its all a bed of flowers, not only is it BS-its boring. Transition is a process, a very long process. There are no miracle pills we can take, go to sleep, wake up and poof Zoe is physically female and I wake up completely OK with it. Nothing worth doing is easy.
Many people have asked Zoe "How can you do this to your wife and kids?". Which is why I made the post yesterday about *M* before Zoe. I have to ask those same people "How could she not do this for us?" Yes there are things I miss about *M*, but those are from the perspective of nostalgia. In a way, it is like healing from a break-up. At first you hate all the bad things about your ex, then at some point you start to remember the good. You miss those things that you loved about that person, but you know in the end the decision to part was the right one. I would not trade today for 5 years ago to save my life. Trust me when I say I love Zoe, as much as if not more than I loved *M* but I am glad that I am now living with Zoe- unless you knew *M* the way very few us did, you had no idea what day to day life was like for *M* or me.
Folks have commented that they will never see Zoe as Zoe only as *M* even after she has fully transitioned. While each and every human has a right to their own opinions, there comes a point where your going to have to accept it. She will be female physically, she will have the body parts that make her female. Her legal name will have been changed. She will no longer be *M* at all in any way shape or form. She will even be required by law to use the girls bathroom. She will have transformed mentally, physically, emotionally completely into a female. It is up to you to decide if you can handle that. I will caution you though, any form of discrimination and you will find me on your doorstep. You see I am a bitch. Ask my in-laws. Unlike Zoe, who tells me constantly to leave it alone. Hell hath no fury like Mandie pissed off!
~Mandie
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Before Zoe, Life with *M*
Many people including myself thought they really knew *M* before she came out. We have family and friends that will go down in history as saying that they knew *M* and how none of this is really a shock. Those people knew only what side of Zoe's personality she chose to share at any given time.
For some *M* was a spiritual being. She would wear only whites, follow her path and some people saw what has been described as a "light" about her. This is how I met her, in the midst of an extremely spiritual phase. I learned a lot from her, and about her during this time.
As I have said we were young. Babies really. In our early 20's I am sure I would not have wanted myself referred to as a "baby" but 13 yrs later I can see just how little about the world we really knew. In the very beginning before kids and "real life"we walked a crazy path. We experimented with drugs, sex, a party life. That ended quickly for me when we got pregnant with our first daughter. Anyone reading this should know we do NOT "party" anymore, these days we are old and boring (according to our kids anyway). For Zoe she still walked a line. She was still young, and it took a long time before she grew up and out of this phase. I think this is how most people knew her. I think this is how I got the reputation of being the "controlling bitch *m* is married to"
To say I was controlling was rather harsh. From my perspective, I was the only one with a job and to spend the very little money we had to go out with her friends and party was a slap in my face. What many people did not know was *M* did not want to work. Anytime the topic came up about getting a job a war began. Many of her family and friends accused me through the years of "not letting" her get a job. This was not true, but I am a trooper and chalked it up to letting those people believe whatever they wanted. Eventually, I just started telling people she couldn't find work because the economy tanked. While pregnant with our 3rd I found a really great job I loved. Inside Sales for an international company. It was an awesome company to work for. After #3 was born however things went bad. *M* called every single day multiple times a day. She needed me to come home. On my last day of work, my boss sat me down and told me that I was a great sales person and how happy they were I was there but get my shit together or I had to go. I left the company. I was devastated, and super angry with *M*. I have not held a job out of the house since.
When I started working from home, things between us became the rockiest. *M* would spend days,weeks and sometimes months locked in our bedroom only coming out for coffee and bathroom breaks. I did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, child care, grocery shopping etc. When she wasn't locked in the bedroom she was sucked into the computer playing WoW. I still did all of the above. We fought constantly. Things were a mess between us and neither of us had the courage to really say what was on our minds. I have ran a virtual marketing firm for the past 6 yrs but I do sometimes miss working a "real" job with a "real" paycheck. It was not until *M* came out, did she actively seek work again. Today she does work, and is very happy with her employment arrangement.
Later after coming out Zoe explained to me that the depression of not being herself is what led her to be such a jerk and things she said to hurt me were really her own feelings about herself. Finding work, and being herself has been a god-sent for her and our marriage. We talk a lot more. We aren't broke all the time. We enjoy spending time together and now we are starting to finally do things as a "family". I am still super nervous about money, I think its a self defense mechanism since we spent so many years with utility shut off notices, eviction threats and barely able to keep food on the table. I also have issues about the friends she tends to make. Mainly because people tend to take her friendliness as a romantic interest. I can't tell you how many asses I have threatened to kick because some girl or guy thought *M* was all about them. I have had people I called friends turn on me because they developed a thing for her and suddenly I wasn't good enough.
Like Zoe I am in an in between phase where I have to think of *M* & Zoe as 2 different people. It is not conscious; it is a part of the journey as a spouse. Anyone who has spent the better part of their life with someone would have a hard time changing pronouns, names and forgetting the person that once was. I read an article that summed it up realistically. Imagine your spouse dying, you will experience the 7 stages of grief sometimes going through several stages at the same time but with transition its double jeopardy because the person is still alive and you have to watch them slowly fade away.
Each day I come to accept things as they are a bit more. This blog for instance has helped to really work out where my brain is at from day to day. I am supportive of Zoe, more than anyone else in our lives. I would never walk away. I will never give up. I have loved Zoe from the day we met, even a gender change can't make that go away. Through all the good, bad, ugly times Zoe has been my constant. So if I am still the "controlling bitch she is married to" then so be it. I do not need the acceptance or approval of anyone else, all I need is her love.
~Mandie
For some *M* was a spiritual being. She would wear only whites, follow her path and some people saw what has been described as a "light" about her. This is how I met her, in the midst of an extremely spiritual phase. I learned a lot from her, and about her during this time.
As I have said we were young. Babies really. In our early 20's I am sure I would not have wanted myself referred to as a "baby" but 13 yrs later I can see just how little about the world we really knew. In the very beginning before kids and "real life"we walked a crazy path. We experimented with drugs, sex, a party life. That ended quickly for me when we got pregnant with our first daughter. Anyone reading this should know we do NOT "party" anymore, these days we are old and boring (according to our kids anyway). For Zoe she still walked a line. She was still young, and it took a long time before she grew up and out of this phase. I think this is how most people knew her. I think this is how I got the reputation of being the "controlling bitch *m* is married to"
To say I was controlling was rather harsh. From my perspective, I was the only one with a job and to spend the very little money we had to go out with her friends and party was a slap in my face. What many people did not know was *M* did not want to work. Anytime the topic came up about getting a job a war began. Many of her family and friends accused me through the years of "not letting" her get a job. This was not true, but I am a trooper and chalked it up to letting those people believe whatever they wanted. Eventually, I just started telling people she couldn't find work because the economy tanked. While pregnant with our 3rd I found a really great job I loved. Inside Sales for an international company. It was an awesome company to work for. After #3 was born however things went bad. *M* called every single day multiple times a day. She needed me to come home. On my last day of work, my boss sat me down and told me that I was a great sales person and how happy they were I was there but get my shit together or I had to go. I left the company. I was devastated, and super angry with *M*. I have not held a job out of the house since.
When I started working from home, things between us became the rockiest. *M* would spend days,weeks and sometimes months locked in our bedroom only coming out for coffee and bathroom breaks. I did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, child care, grocery shopping etc. When she wasn't locked in the bedroom she was sucked into the computer playing WoW. I still did all of the above. We fought constantly. Things were a mess between us and neither of us had the courage to really say what was on our minds. I have ran a virtual marketing firm for the past 6 yrs but I do sometimes miss working a "real" job with a "real" paycheck. It was not until *M* came out, did she actively seek work again. Today she does work, and is very happy with her employment arrangement.
Later after coming out Zoe explained to me that the depression of not being herself is what led her to be such a jerk and things she said to hurt me were really her own feelings about herself. Finding work, and being herself has been a god-sent for her and our marriage. We talk a lot more. We aren't broke all the time. We enjoy spending time together and now we are starting to finally do things as a "family". I am still super nervous about money, I think its a self defense mechanism since we spent so many years with utility shut off notices, eviction threats and barely able to keep food on the table. I also have issues about the friends she tends to make. Mainly because people tend to take her friendliness as a romantic interest. I can't tell you how many asses I have threatened to kick because some girl or guy thought *M* was all about them. I have had people I called friends turn on me because they developed a thing for her and suddenly I wasn't good enough.
Like Zoe I am in an in between phase where I have to think of *M* & Zoe as 2 different people. It is not conscious; it is a part of the journey as a spouse. Anyone who has spent the better part of their life with someone would have a hard time changing pronouns, names and forgetting the person that once was. I read an article that summed it up realistically. Imagine your spouse dying, you will experience the 7 stages of grief sometimes going through several stages at the same time but with transition its double jeopardy because the person is still alive and you have to watch them slowly fade away.
Each day I come to accept things as they are a bit more. This blog for instance has helped to really work out where my brain is at from day to day. I am supportive of Zoe, more than anyone else in our lives. I would never walk away. I will never give up. I have loved Zoe from the day we met, even a gender change can't make that go away. Through all the good, bad, ugly times Zoe has been my constant. So if I am still the "controlling bitch she is married to" then so be it. I do not need the acceptance or approval of anyone else, all I need is her love.
~Mandie
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
A Big Shoutout!
We wanted to take a moment and thank everyone who has stopped by and checked out our blog. We want to send big virtual hugs out to everyone who have sent emails, facebook messages and their love to us! The amount of support we have gotten in the past 48 hours is nothing short of amazing. THANK YOU!
A quick note-
We are getting quite a few emails from folks asking how to follow and share and if that would be ok. Please feel free to share wherever you like. This is our journey that we are sharing with you, and we are happy to include anyone who wants to take that journey with us.
To follow/share/subscribe etc:
On the right hand side you should see a list of our blog archives, the popular posts etc. If you scroll down a bit you will find the follow button. You can easily follow privately or publicly, by email, by comments and new posts. The choice is yours, we will not be offended. You will also find a share button where you can share our blog on facebook and twitter.
To comment:
You do not need to be a follower to make a comment or ask a question. Just type in your comment/question and we will read it and publish it with a reply. If you would like a private reply or have any specific questions to one of us please feel free to notate that :)
Again, Thank you!!!
Mandie & Zoe
A quick note-
We are getting quite a few emails from folks asking how to follow and share and if that would be ok. Please feel free to share wherever you like. This is our journey that we are sharing with you, and we are happy to include anyone who wants to take that journey with us.
To follow/share/subscribe etc:
On the right hand side you should see a list of our blog archives, the popular posts etc. If you scroll down a bit you will find the follow button. You can easily follow privately or publicly, by email, by comments and new posts. The choice is yours, we will not be offended. You will also find a share button where you can share our blog on facebook and twitter.
To comment:
You do not need to be a follower to make a comment or ask a question. Just type in your comment/question and we will read it and publish it with a reply. If you would like a private reply or have any specific questions to one of us please feel free to notate that :)
Again, Thank you!!!
Mandie & Zoe
High Maintenance..I think so!
In our home Zoe has banned the f word-but I bet its not the F word your thinking of!
For the past 5 months, I have called her a fu-fu. She banned it. Aside from the financial aspect of dr's, therapists, pills and patches; Zoe has spent more money on makeup, hair dye, nail polish and whatnots then I have in the past 13 yrs!! I am suspecting that she will eventually show up from a shopping trip with designer heels and a matching purse with a cute little doggie yapping at our cat.
Last summer before coming out; Zoe convinced me to sell AVON so she could get girly goods at the discount rate. To use the term epic fail would be the understatement of the year. Zoe decided that AVON makeup is crap. She does however like the Anew stuff that we spent a small fortune on, and I got a killer pair of boots.
All joking aside, Transition is expensive. Its not easy on a budget, or the person in transition. The amount of time she spends each day just getting her face on is beyond anything I would ever have the patience for. Then again, I have never been into the fu fu or makeup thing. Not to mention, having 4 children who are higher maintenance than my wife I am lucky to shower daily.
Zoe is doing a great job with her makeup, although going to blonde was a real shocker for me. I honestly thought I was going to pee my pants from laughing so hard. It's kinda growing on me now, but on the initial viewing I literally had to hold back tears. I guess thats how she felt when I went red for the first and only time in my life.
Conversations that begin with "hey babe do you have my mascara" are the norm around here these days. Really, I only have myself to blame about her costs. When she started dressing at home, I told her that she had to buy her own as I already have to hide all my makeup from our daughter.
~Mandie
______________________________________________________________________________
High Maintenance? You have no idea of all the things I have to consider, buy, research etc just to turn myself into the hot chick you see each afternoon after I lock myself in the bedroom for 2+ hours a day!
In the beginning theres....
Therapy, Dr's, Hormones
Coming out to friends, family, work and people on a daily basis.
Shaving, facial hair remover, body hair removal, electrolysis
Obsessing over the slightest changes and what I will look like in the end.
Throughout the process is...
Hair growth and styling
Makeup
Trimming and shaping eyebrows
Clothing, undergarments,shoes
Relearning how to think, feel, talk, walk, socialize, general mannerisms
Things on my mind for the near future...
Facial feminization, nose reduction
Name and gender changes including a visit to a judge, an ad in the paper and a trip to the DMV.
Voice training and feminization
Trachial shaving
Srs(sex reassignment surgery)
Not every person who transitions does all of this, its a personal decision. For me its all about the end game, and who I will be and what I will look like. I have every intention of being so passable that nobody will ever know I was born with a male anatomy. True, there are no guarauntees that this will be the case but ya can't blame a girl for trying.
~Zoe
For the past 5 months, I have called her a fu-fu. She banned it. Aside from the financial aspect of dr's, therapists, pills and patches; Zoe has spent more money on makeup, hair dye, nail polish and whatnots then I have in the past 13 yrs!! I am suspecting that she will eventually show up from a shopping trip with designer heels and a matching purse with a cute little doggie yapping at our cat.
Last summer before coming out; Zoe convinced me to sell AVON so she could get girly goods at the discount rate. To use the term epic fail would be the understatement of the year. Zoe decided that AVON makeup is crap. She does however like the Anew stuff that we spent a small fortune on, and I got a killer pair of boots.
All joking aside, Transition is expensive. Its not easy on a budget, or the person in transition. The amount of time she spends each day just getting her face on is beyond anything I would ever have the patience for. Then again, I have never been into the fu fu or makeup thing. Not to mention, having 4 children who are higher maintenance than my wife I am lucky to shower daily.
Zoe is doing a great job with her makeup, although going to blonde was a real shocker for me. I honestly thought I was going to pee my pants from laughing so hard. It's kinda growing on me now, but on the initial viewing I literally had to hold back tears. I guess thats how she felt when I went red for the first and only time in my life.
Conversations that begin with "hey babe do you have my mascara" are the norm around here these days. Really, I only have myself to blame about her costs. When she started dressing at home, I told her that she had to buy her own as I already have to hide all my makeup from our daughter.
~Mandie
______________________________________________________________________________
High Maintenance? You have no idea of all the things I have to consider, buy, research etc just to turn myself into the hot chick you see each afternoon after I lock myself in the bedroom for 2+ hours a day!
In the beginning theres....
Therapy, Dr's, Hormones
Coming out to friends, family, work and people on a daily basis.
Shaving, facial hair remover, body hair removal, electrolysis
Obsessing over the slightest changes and what I will look like in the end.
Throughout the process is...
Hair growth and styling
Makeup
Trimming and shaping eyebrows
Clothing, undergarments,shoes
Relearning how to think, feel, talk, walk, socialize, general mannerisms
Things on my mind for the near future...
Facial feminization, nose reduction
Name and gender changes including a visit to a judge, an ad in the paper and a trip to the DMV.
Voice training and feminization
Trachial shaving
Srs(sex reassignment surgery)
Not every person who transitions does all of this, its a personal decision. For me its all about the end game, and who I will be and what I will look like. I have every intention of being so passable that nobody will ever know I was born with a male anatomy. True, there are no guarauntees that this will be the case but ya can't blame a girl for trying.
~Zoe
Monday, April 9, 2012
On the Outside Looking in.
Mandie asked me recently how my perceptions have changed since starting the hormones. The hard reality is that I feel like I am on the outside looking in most of the time, almost a 3rd gender.
For instance, when hanging out with the "guys" I feel completely out of place. I have never been into sports, and as I transition the common thread I held with men is dissipating rapidly. On the other hand, I am identifying more with women but I am not there just yet.
I certainly have a much better understanding of the maintenance that goes into hair,makeup and nails. I am much more understanding now when my wife & daughter are pms'ing and can cry at the drop of a hat.
As a guy, there are many things I did not understand about women. Since starting the hormones, I have better understanding of how they perceive men, the world, everything. I have an easier time making female friends sometimes to my wife's dismay, but women are generally more comfortable with this then men. A lot of men it seems are either threatened or just do not know how to relate to me anymore as much as i don't relate to them. Leaving the house is a challenge at times. I am "in between" so to speak.
I am perceived not as male or female and most people don't have a clue what to think of me. The only people who tend to be completely comfortable are those who accept me as a person, not as a gender.
~Zoe
_____________________________________________________________________________
Hmm, well there are tons of things I can think of to say about how relating to Zoe has changed. She is certainly easier to get along with. We still have the same basic "debates". "where is x item?" "you had it" "no I didn't, you did" etc etc, we still have real life. Bills, kids, jobs. Ultimately though it is easier for us to shut up and listen to the other persons point of view.
I am getting to know Zoe slowly. Sarcasm is my strong suit, as *M* he would never be offended by some of the off the wall stuff that comes out of my brain. I find that sometimes I have to stop and think before I blurt something out as not to offend her. She is much more sensitive now on so many levels. At first it was pretty surreal, but I am adapting.
~ Mandie
As a guy, there are many things I did not understand about women. Since starting the hormones, I have better understanding of how they perceive men, the world, everything. I have an easier time making female friends sometimes to my wife's dismay, but women are generally more comfortable with this then men. A lot of men it seems are either threatened or just do not know how to relate to me anymore as much as i don't relate to them. Leaving the house is a challenge at times. I am "in between" so to speak.
I am perceived not as male or female and most people don't have a clue what to think of me. The only people who tend to be completely comfortable are those who accept me as a person, not as a gender.
~Zoe
_____________________________________________________________________________
Hmm, well there are tons of things I can think of to say about how relating to Zoe has changed. She is certainly easier to get along with. We still have the same basic "debates". "where is x item?" "you had it" "no I didn't, you did" etc etc, we still have real life. Bills, kids, jobs. Ultimately though it is easier for us to shut up and listen to the other persons point of view.
I am getting to know Zoe slowly. Sarcasm is my strong suit, as *M* he would never be offended by some of the off the wall stuff that comes out of my brain. I find that sometimes I have to stop and think before I blurt something out as not to offend her. She is much more sensitive now on so many levels. At first it was pretty surreal, but I am adapting.
~ Mandie
Sexual Identity-Mandies Take
Reading an article this morning about a young lady who is transitioning as a senior in high school made me cringe. Not because of the article, it was well written and with a very positive message but the term "transexual" gives on the illusion that transgendered folks are into some sort of fetish. This couldn't be farther from the truth.
From the free online dictionary:
transsexual
From the free online dictionary:
transsexual
[transek′cho̅o̅·əl]
a person whose gender identity is the opposite of his or her biologic sex.
**Please note the use of gender identity.** Zoe does not dress up in girls clothes to satisfy a sexual desire, this has never been part of our "bedroom life"
Many people will argue that gender and sexual identity go hand in hand, some will even say anyone who is attracted to the same gender is evil, wrong, sick in the head..yea we have all heard the haters. The haters in my opinion are the ones with the real "problem". They are not comfortable enough with themselves to acknowledge that other humans have a right to be happy. But I divert.
On the topic of sex, Zoe as a male was straight, as a female she is a lesbian. Am I a lesbian? No. I am in a relationship with a woman, a transgendered lady. I fell in love with Zoe as a person, not *M's* penis. Sorry to all the straight guys out there who really believe that your "love guns" are the best thing since sliced bread it simply is not true. Most women do not fall for you because your johnny is awesome or your love making skills beat every other sexual partner she has ever had. We fall in love with YOU. Your ideas, your heart, your whatever..but it certainly isn't your penis. I love Zoe, but no I am not a lesbian. I think I would need to actually be attracted to women as opposed to saying "yea shes a hot chick" to realistically pull off lesbian status. So I identify as "Gay by circumstance". Yes I am GAY, because I am HAPPY, I am by circumstance HAPPY. I do not really need to explain to everyone we see that Zoe is transgendered. 99% of people do not need, want or deserve an in depth scientific explanation of what exactly Zoe is, or the mechanics of our relationship. I figure if they have questions, they can ask or google it.
~Mandie
Sunday, April 8, 2012
In The Beginning-Zoes Journey
I suppose the beginning for me was around 5 or 6 when I realized I was different. Through my teens and early 20s, I hid my true self from everyone. I hid in my closet and walked a path of self destruction. I attempted suicide and spent a lot of time in therapy to deal with my problem. This isn't to say I did not try to come out, I did. On 2 seperate occassions. The first I was very young. The second was with someone I trusted with my life. Both turned out to be horribble experiences. For 30 yrs, I have remained in silence. So it should be no surprise that I did not come out to Mandie sooner then she would have liked.
I have always been different. Many people meet me and think I am gay. Even my own wife has accused me of it many times over; Bet that thought processed changed! Those who didn't think I was gay thought I was very feminine. I was a guy who has a good sense of fashion, loves to decorate, I cook, clean and can handle my own laundry. I found Paganism, joined a Wiccan Coven and attuned myself to the Goddess for a long time. Inside *I* was screaming and clawing to get out.
Fast forwarding to about 3 yrs ago, I was in a really bad mental place. I no longer wanted to be *M*, I no longer wanted to wake up in the morning. Something had to give, I had to be me. I had to try 1 more time. Mandie and I have been through so much together, she loves me as much as I love her. I was scared, how deep is that love? Would she freak and bail? It took me another 2 yrs of dropping what she would call "lame" hints before I finaly worked up the courage to tell her. That night was one of the most difficult I had ever experienced, She said to me "no matter what I will always love and support you, do what you gotta do" so I ran with it. For the next 8 months, we didn't discuss it. I gave her the space and time she needed to digest it, while I started my journey.
The week of our anniversary (right before halloween) I started hormone therapy and within the first week everything changed. My feelings, my emotions, for the next 2 months I was on cloud 9. Shortly before thanksgiving I decided it was time to come out to everyone else. Work was easy, family was not, friends were a bit more understanding. In general most people have been accepting. There a few who have put distance between us. Dealing with the various people finding out from day to day is an emotional roller coaster. I found a support system at our church, and the few people that we call true friends. After 5 months, I can say I have never been so happy!
Sure everyday is a struggle with people and all the extreme changes. The way I walk, the physical changes and the vast amount of emotions I experience all contribute to the person I am becoming. Let's face it, you cant hide boobs, hips, a girly figure or my facial features becoming softer. The giveaway is my mannerisms. People notice, stare and sometimes ask questions when they talk to me or see me out and about. Walking into a crowded room knowing all eyes are on me can be a bit disconcerning but I am happy, and what doesnt kill us makes us stronger.
My wife and I are getting along better than we ever have, our marriage is stronger and we are taking this journey together. I want it pointed out, my wife has been my rock. She has kept me centered and grounded. She has been my sword and shield; my knight in shining armor defending me and attacking anyone who has stood in the way. I couldn't get through this without her. Our kids have also been amazing. Each of them has a different take on things, #1 thinks its super cool, #2 is interested in the scientific information, and #3 says it doesnt matter I am still his daddy. The baby, well she just loves me for me.
And this leads us to why we started this blog, to document this jouney. For me, for Mandie, for everyone. I am more Zoe now than *M*, *M* is on his way out and we are about a quarter way through. Make no mistake, hormones change everything!
And until next time remember...Baby, I was born this way!
~Zoe
I have always been different. Many people meet me and think I am gay. Even my own wife has accused me of it many times over; Bet that thought processed changed! Those who didn't think I was gay thought I was very feminine. I was a guy who has a good sense of fashion, loves to decorate, I cook, clean and can handle my own laundry. I found Paganism, joined a Wiccan Coven and attuned myself to the Goddess for a long time. Inside *I* was screaming and clawing to get out.
Fast forwarding to about 3 yrs ago, I was in a really bad mental place. I no longer wanted to be *M*, I no longer wanted to wake up in the morning. Something had to give, I had to be me. I had to try 1 more time. Mandie and I have been through so much together, she loves me as much as I love her. I was scared, how deep is that love? Would she freak and bail? It took me another 2 yrs of dropping what she would call "lame" hints before I finaly worked up the courage to tell her. That night was one of the most difficult I had ever experienced, She said to me "no matter what I will always love and support you, do what you gotta do" so I ran with it. For the next 8 months, we didn't discuss it. I gave her the space and time she needed to digest it, while I started my journey.
The week of our anniversary (right before halloween) I started hormone therapy and within the first week everything changed. My feelings, my emotions, for the next 2 months I was on cloud 9. Shortly before thanksgiving I decided it was time to come out to everyone else. Work was easy, family was not, friends were a bit more understanding. In general most people have been accepting. There a few who have put distance between us. Dealing with the various people finding out from day to day is an emotional roller coaster. I found a support system at our church, and the few people that we call true friends. After 5 months, I can say I have never been so happy!
Sure everyday is a struggle with people and all the extreme changes. The way I walk, the physical changes and the vast amount of emotions I experience all contribute to the person I am becoming. Let's face it, you cant hide boobs, hips, a girly figure or my facial features becoming softer. The giveaway is my mannerisms. People notice, stare and sometimes ask questions when they talk to me or see me out and about. Walking into a crowded room knowing all eyes are on me can be a bit disconcerning but I am happy, and what doesnt kill us makes us stronger.
My wife and I are getting along better than we ever have, our marriage is stronger and we are taking this journey together. I want it pointed out, my wife has been my rock. She has kept me centered and grounded. She has been my sword and shield; my knight in shining armor defending me and attacking anyone who has stood in the way. I couldn't get through this without her. Our kids have also been amazing. Each of them has a different take on things, #1 thinks its super cool, #2 is interested in the scientific information, and #3 says it doesnt matter I am still his daddy. The baby, well she just loves me for me.
And this leads us to why we started this blog, to document this jouney. For me, for Mandie, for everyone. I am more Zoe now than *M*, *M* is on his way out and we are about a quarter way through. Make no mistake, hormones change everything!
And until next time remember...Baby, I was born this way!
~Zoe
In the Begining-Mandies Journey
It is Easter Sunday 2012. Our 4 beautiful children have been given their fill of chocolate and jelly beans, the smell of ham is radiating through our apartment and we are both exhausted from a late night of planning this blog coupled with an early morning visit to our church.
As Zoe naps- I am writing this first blog post and reflecting on the various thoughts and emotions that have come to pass over the course of the past year since *M* came out as a transgender.
My name is Mandie and our story begins way back in 1999 when I first met M. We were both in our early 20s and like any young couple we thought we knew it all! We were wild and free and ready to take on the world. After 6 months, we were living together and by 2001 we were married with our first child. Through the subsequent years we had 3 more children, and more ups/downs/in betweens than I can count. In 2010 our last child was born and we were happy to say NEVER again. At the time, I did not know how true that would be since we had said that three times over. I thought I knew everything there was to know about my husband. I was dead wrong. In feb of 2011, after he had a few to many budweisers in his system-He came out. I can't even say I was shocked. To be honest, I thought it was bullshit. I thought he was drunk and really just on some weird trip. Over the course of the next week we talked about it a lot. I even flipped out and called my minister, my 2 best friends and got REALLY angry. REALLLLLY ANGRY. Picking up on the fact I did not want to deal with this *M* dropped the subject. I blew it off as some sort of phase or mid life crisis. Over the next few months, the subject was off the table until I found the hormones and *M* had to come clean. A few days after our 12 yr anniversary he had begun HRT (hormone replacement therapy) and was transitioning from male to female wether I liked it or not. To say I was pissed would not describe anywhere near the emotions I was feeling. Betrayed, hurt, murderous, psychopathic maybe; but pissed that is way to nice of an adjective. I got to experience all of the initial feelings I had felt months ago-except now he had boobs.
After I calmed down a bit, and took a step back I came to accept that my husband is now my wife. 4 months in I can say I no longer want to rip the new body parts off. Instead, I take things day by day. Some days I am completely OK and others I hate everything about the transition. Today I think what I hate is that it has driven a wedge between *M* and I, replacing my husband who I cherished to the ends of the earth with this girl I hardly know. Or so I think anyway. I can look at Zoe and no longer see much of *M* left. His smell is gone, his hair, his body they are all now Zoe..He is becoming a she more and more each day.
The thing that keeps us together is that we had a relationship beyond sex or gender before the coming out. As much as we don't have in common, we have more important things that are in common. We both love sci-fi, We both are deeply spiritual beings, We both are very socially liberal-though Zoe will say she hates politics, she sure watches a lot of CNN and can hold her own in a debate! We love each other, we love our children and our family (the 6 of us, and the cat) is the most important thing in our world. *M* is slowly dying and that hurts more than words can ever express but I know the person I fell in love with is still in there. As any honorable Kling-on would say "the body is merely a shell".
Zoe's family was not especially pleased with the coming out either, in all fairness had I found out from a facebook post I would have been quite upset as well. Zoes mother seems to finally be coming around, at least she isn't saying we are harming our children anymore. A step in the right direction in my book. Zoes sister is also starting to understand which is awesome! Her youngest brother has been supportive from the get go, Her other brother well- if you read this, I love you, I miss you-your like a brother to me, but your being an incredibly big douchebag. Judging Zoe before even having a conversation with her is extremely narrow minded and 1 sided and I really hope someday that you can come to terms with this because in the end family is all any of us have. Her father even paid us a short visit over christmas to deliver presents to the kids. It was akward but time will make things easier. I just hope that some of the family sees Zoe before she is totally transitioned. I am worried that some of them will have heart failure on the spot since most are older with some sort of health problems. That will be an interesting day to say the least!
So our plans for this blog:
We will be posting before and during pics, Zoe and I will be writing posts about our emotions and physical changes, how we are coping and what are perceptions are at each stage of the game. Be aware that while you are free to follow, and comment with your questions and support any negative comments or spam will be promptly deleted.
~Mandie
As Zoe naps- I am writing this first blog post and reflecting on the various thoughts and emotions that have come to pass over the course of the past year since *M* came out as a transgender.
My name is Mandie and our story begins way back in 1999 when I first met M. We were both in our early 20s and like any young couple we thought we knew it all! We were wild and free and ready to take on the world. After 6 months, we were living together and by 2001 we were married with our first child. Through the subsequent years we had 3 more children, and more ups/downs/in betweens than I can count. In 2010 our last child was born and we were happy to say NEVER again. At the time, I did not know how true that would be since we had said that three times over. I thought I knew everything there was to know about my husband. I was dead wrong. In feb of 2011, after he had a few to many budweisers in his system-He came out. I can't even say I was shocked. To be honest, I thought it was bullshit. I thought he was drunk and really just on some weird trip. Over the course of the next week we talked about it a lot. I even flipped out and called my minister, my 2 best friends and got REALLY angry. REALLLLLY ANGRY. Picking up on the fact I did not want to deal with this *M* dropped the subject. I blew it off as some sort of phase or mid life crisis. Over the next few months, the subject was off the table until I found the hormones and *M* had to come clean. A few days after our 12 yr anniversary he had begun HRT (hormone replacement therapy) and was transitioning from male to female wether I liked it or not. To say I was pissed would not describe anywhere near the emotions I was feeling. Betrayed, hurt, murderous, psychopathic maybe; but pissed that is way to nice of an adjective. I got to experience all of the initial feelings I had felt months ago-except now he had boobs.
After I calmed down a bit, and took a step back I came to accept that my husband is now my wife. 4 months in I can say I no longer want to rip the new body parts off. Instead, I take things day by day. Some days I am completely OK and others I hate everything about the transition. Today I think what I hate is that it has driven a wedge between *M* and I, replacing my husband who I cherished to the ends of the earth with this girl I hardly know. Or so I think anyway. I can look at Zoe and no longer see much of *M* left. His smell is gone, his hair, his body they are all now Zoe..He is becoming a she more and more each day.
The thing that keeps us together is that we had a relationship beyond sex or gender before the coming out. As much as we don't have in common, we have more important things that are in common. We both love sci-fi, We both are deeply spiritual beings, We both are very socially liberal-though Zoe will say she hates politics, she sure watches a lot of CNN and can hold her own in a debate! We love each other, we love our children and our family (the 6 of us, and the cat) is the most important thing in our world. *M* is slowly dying and that hurts more than words can ever express but I know the person I fell in love with is still in there. As any honorable Kling-on would say "the body is merely a shell".
Zoe's family was not especially pleased with the coming out either, in all fairness had I found out from a facebook post I would have been quite upset as well. Zoes mother seems to finally be coming around, at least she isn't saying we are harming our children anymore. A step in the right direction in my book. Zoes sister is also starting to understand which is awesome! Her youngest brother has been supportive from the get go, Her other brother well- if you read this, I love you, I miss you-your like a brother to me, but your being an incredibly big douchebag. Judging Zoe before even having a conversation with her is extremely narrow minded and 1 sided and I really hope someday that you can come to terms with this because in the end family is all any of us have. Her father even paid us a short visit over christmas to deliver presents to the kids. It was akward but time will make things easier. I just hope that some of the family sees Zoe before she is totally transitioned. I am worried that some of them will have heart failure on the spot since most are older with some sort of health problems. That will be an interesting day to say the least!
So our plans for this blog:
We will be posting before and during pics, Zoe and I will be writing posts about our emotions and physical changes, how we are coping and what are perceptions are at each stage of the game. Be aware that while you are free to follow, and comment with your questions and support any negative comments or spam will be promptly deleted.
~Mandie
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